Table of Contents
Speaking More Positively
Last month, I gave you some solid tips on
refining your listening skills. A good listener makes a speaker
feel respected and understood. This month, I’d like to
offer a few observations for the speaker who wants to capture a
listener’s attention.
Remember the phrase, “Sticks and
stones may break my bones but words can never harm me?”
Well, it’s not true. The words you say to someone else
can hurt, perhaps not physically, but emotionally. How we use
our language greatly influences how we are received and
understood. If we expect to influence others, we must learn the
art of positive conversation by being honest, direct and
constructive.
People sometimes “tell it like it
is” and get right to the point, then ruin their messages
by using destructive words. That isn’t speaking in the
positive! The key is being clear and respectful. Be
constructive by focusing on your issues and thinking before you
speak. Treat disagreements as issues to settle, not battles to
fight. If you avoid being harsh in your response and act with
tact, you will gain respect and come across as sincere and
helpful.
When you deal with others in a consistently
respectful fashion, you build trust with them. Likewise, when
others respect and trust you, they are more willing to resolve
problems in an emotionally controlled manner. Operating this
way opens lines of communication, builds teamwork and
stimulates creative thinking. People pull together and move in
the same direction.
Recognize that people are a part of every
problem. Blaming them for problems solves nothing, but it
creates animosity and distrust. Working with others to solve
problems is the best way to get solutions that work and that
others will support. Remind yourself that it is behavior that
influences the workability of solutions. Solution-focused
discussions stimulate conversation, promote problem-solving and
allow us to move forward.
Emphasizing what you can do to help is
especially important, because it lends confidence and
commitment. When you tell people what you will do to handle a
situation, or when you deliver on a commitment, it removes
uncertainty. This is important because people want to deal with
others who are reliable and who meet their commitments.
The next time you find yourself in a
discussion, ask yourself, “Am I being clear and
respectful?” When you make a point, concentrate on
what’s important and be as brief as possible instead of
beating around the bush, rambling or overloading with details.
Being respectful is a win/win because it builds trust. Try
this, and see if it doesn’t improve your business
communication style.
Jeff Long is director
of manufacturer Graphic Dimensions Inc., based
in Atlanta, and president of DMIA.
